Listening....and a little talking..

I am a talker, I have always talked, talked when Im nervous, talked when I am happy or sad & most definitely talked when there is silence...

But over the years I have slowly & I mean really slowly learned to listen more & talk less..it is by far the most difficult lesson for me to learn. But very rewarding..something I will continue to work at...

The problem with always talking means that you are literally talking to anyone who will listen, including yourself. Which of course seems nuts but is actually very rational. I have processed & worked through many indecisions & complications in my life by just talking to myself...so yes, I totally recommend it...

Try to LISTEN to these guys first & foremost!

I went travelling & living abroad when I finished studying & for the first time in my life I was alone a lot of the time. So of course I talked to myself a lot, but also learnt to cope with the silence. When you start understanding & coping with the silence, it changes your entire outlook on life. It creates an incredible peace within (true story). I have often been dying to comment on a discussion taking place & taught myself when it is actually okay to comment or just better to shut it...this will be a lesson that I will continue learning all the way to my grave....it is so tough...

Now listening on the other hand, well that is quite something. Having children has taught me many things...especially about listening...& being silent.

Firstly, silence is glorious at times. To sit and think of absolutely nothing & to say less is wonderful. To not answer questions, to not have to ask for things to be done & as wonderful as it is, children, especially toddlers seldom keep quiet, which is all wonderful, except a little silence goes a long way. This is why so many moms hide away & believe me, that is okay, except I don't have a pantry (note to self). Yoga on the other hand has possibly helped me in a large way to embrace sitting in the silence. With listening comes observation & with observation understanding. 

Secondly, listening & I don't mean hearing, I mean true listening is vital in relationships...human beings need to be heard & deserve the respect. I catch myself so often about to take over a conversation, another lesson that I am truly working on, but an even more important one...People deserve to be heard. You don't have to agree, but just listen...If we don't listen, we miss out on some incredible things, including some amazing little peep comments..priceless!

This takes me to my third point, which is vital.. Listen to your children..this is the so damn tough...oh my word...having a child scream at me, makes me picture myself punching them (which of course you cannot & should not do)..My ears close & I cannot hear a thing, never mind sensitively listen...

So the best way for me to deal with this is to "show the hand" & get the child to replay the scenario.. C-A-L-M-L-Y! Then I can listen & be rational. 

We spend so much time complaining about the 'youth of today', 'children today', 'teens of today'; when most of the time simply being rational & actually listening most of the time (sadly not all of the time), will make the biggest difference & the outcome will be calmer.. Are we as the older generation at fault for our children NOT listening & paying attention or has it always been this way & we just don't remember?

I admit to having a glass of wine most evenings, sadly it helps me to remain calm during the 'suicide hour' that I thought we would have passed years ago! Which continues with massive bouts of 'sibling rivalry', so yes, the wine helps. But sitting down & asking them individually what the problem is or how they are feeling is generally the solution. Unfortunately, as a mom time seems to fly & it is not always possible..(another lesson for another day...priorities...) does it really matter if dinner is late or the house is a mess when you can chat with your little peeps without distraction? It's worth giving it a go, cos this time ain't coming back!

Just remember sometimes spending a little more time listening can save a whole lot of talking in the long run....

This is a great way to enjoy the silence & just to go with it!